Sunday, 19 February 2012

Rory D Grant - The Naked Truth

If this blog post 'joins up' at the end - then well and good. If not, it's because it's Sunday, sweltering heat first thing in the morning here in Brisbane, and with no kids here today I have wayyyyy too much time to think about fragmented, disjointed things - and yet my little brain tells me they are all connected. Oh and if nudity affronts you - look away now.

It all started with Cathy at Life on the Muskoka River who'd been taking pictures in her underwear (not of her underwear I hasten to add).

I then ran across a very brave Canadian Judge (Ontario Superior Court Judge Anne Malloy) who refused to sentence someone to the MANDATORY 3 year prison sentence demanded by law in the case of Leroy Smickle. His crime? He was posing in his underwear late at night, in his own apartment, for his own Facebook profile picture holding a gun. The cops bust in looking for his cousin (Leroy Smickle was wanted for nothing) - and arrest him instead for having a 'restricted loaded weapon' (which he had dropped along with his lap top at the shock of the door being kicked in). As Judge Malloy put it - sentencing him to what the law demands (3 years in prison) would be "unfair, outrageous, abhorrent and intolerable" - She sentenced him to a year of house arrest (which is still pretty crap given there really was no 'crime' or criminal intent).

Anyway, underwear was still on my mind as I was thinking of stripping down to mine in this heat - 'but what if the cops bust in looking for someone else? And the broken button on my boxer shorts gives too much away? Could I be charged with pointing a weapon at them? Even if it's a pretty harmless one?'

That got me to thinking about nipples. Not sure why but it did. And the crazy laws which pervade the USA about certain parts of the body. I remembered an ad I had seen being slated on the internet from Florida - Here it is -

Notice anything? All those big butch guys have no nipples. Seems it's against the law in Florida to display nipples in advertisments. From nipples it was only a small drop down to buttocks, and the lengths America goes to to keep them covered up...I remembered being outraged at the TV series NYPD Blue being fined $1.4 million dollars by the FCC for showing a 'buttock' on one of it's airings - a fine that took eight years to be overturned in a higher court. So what? The audience saw someone's ass (or at least half of it) - are we so ashamed of the human body that we pretend someone having a shower doesn't actually have an ass (as was the case in NYPD Blue)?

Then...I remembered...I don't talk much about 'private bits'...and on one occasion where I had to see a doctor to enquire about what I perceived as a problem with mine - I sat in the waiting room running through what the most 'user friendly' terminology to use would be - how do I tell the female Doc I want her to look at my.....'thing'? 
Do I say 'Penis'? Willie? Privates? John Thomas? It was perplexing me no end and when I finally reached her room and she asked in a mix of Indian/Scottish accent - 'What can I help you with Mr Grant?'
I kind of spluttered ''s my Birdie Doctor'
"Many happy returns." She said, and sat patiently waiting for what ailed me....

So I'm not the greatest conversationalist when it comes to 'bits' but I do have very strong opinions about them.

I'm no prude, I'm all for people getting naked though I don't do it myself....maybe when I was younger I would've been braver but in my entire life I have only posed naked for a picture with my instrument in full view once. And that was because my dear wife didn't think I would have the balls to do it. I'm a sucker for challenges.

It was so empowering I even thought of enrolling as a model for art students so they could master the art of drawing wrinkles accurately....

Hmmm - I don't think it did join up did it lol?

Let's blame the post op drugs :)




  1. LOL! The states are still Pilgrim Prudish. In a meaningless sort of way. We had a huge hairy deal here after a young couple danced naked in the rain downtown. Dr. Phil's team showed up to try to bait other kids into doing it so we'd look like a crazy immoral Town Gone Wrong. Laws were bandied. The Prudes won, though I did my best Patrick Henry speech to the PTB. There is now no nudity allowed in town. Except for the PETA models who got here damn quickly after the law was made. They got away with it; they were purty.

  2. I remember that buttocks on NYPD Blue and they should have been fined for it. Now if they had only shown Jimmy Smits buttocks, that would have been a different matter. Many women would have taken up a collection for that..

  3. Now Rory, you're not planning any jijinks at Gary's 5th Blogaversary party are you? i have a strict rule about streakers on the dance floor.

  4. I am so grateful that i now live in a place where women can be topless and not arrested for indecent exposure. Never mind that in states where that's not the case, that men with bigger boobs than mine can walk around topless and NOT be arrested for indecent exposure. You can't legislate aestethics, apparently.

    I don't make a habit of walking around topless outside. For starters, i'm very fair and burn in a quarter hour. But last summer, when shovelling a new seed bed had me sweltering in the garden, i removed my shirt and allowed the breeze to blow things dry before putting my shirt back on. It was nice to have the option.


  5. Laura - what can I say? A former band member and friend of mine from Scotland (who now lives in New Zealand) mailed me to say how disgusted he was by the appearance of my 'Man Boobs' on my blog picture from hospital. Maybe I should do as they do in Florida and airbrush them out, pretend I don't have any lol.

    Starting Over - I had to go Google 'Jimmy Smits' - I can see what you mean now. Not that I find his rear end in any way interesting - but I can imagine women would find it attractive. I think, maybe lol.

    Lawless - Best behaviour - I promise!

    Megan - It is nice to have the option but if I were a legislator I might be tempted to make it compulsory. For both sexes of course - no discrimination here.


  6. For some it's clearly the end of civilisation if cocks or cunts (I didn't know about nipples?*?!) are mentioned or seen. I understand that some people have that difficulty, without knowing the basis for their fear. I know it's related to all sorts of weird religious, social, and conventional beliefs (which, some might say, has been the goal of civilisation to overcome) and it might be instructive to review why we believe what we believe about the human body. Unfortunately this isn't my blog, so I'll have to fuck off back to mine to think about it all. Love, Alec x

  7. I never really wanted to go nude, and when I lived in Scotland, it was more of I really don't want anything important freezing and dropping off thank you very much.

    Now I'm living in sunny, warm NZ, I don't really want to go nude, because quite frankly even I don't want to see my unclothed body.

    I actualy shut my eyes when I go into the bathroom in the morning, in case I give myself a fright by looking in the mirror.

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