Rory D Grant - The Naked Truth

If this blog post 'joins up' at the end - then well and good. If not, it's because it's Sunday, sweltering heat first thing in the morning here in Brisbane, and with no kids here today I have wayyyyy too much time to think about fragmented, disjointed things - and yet my little brain tells me they are all connected. Oh and if nudity affronts you - look away now.

It all started with Cathy at Life on the Muskoka River who'd been taking pictures in her underwear (not of her underwear I hasten to add).

I then ran across a very brave Canadian Judge (Ontario Superior Court Judge Anne Malloy) who refused to sentence someone to the MANDATORY 3 year prison sentence demanded by law in the case of Leroy Smickle. His crime? He was posing in his underwear late at night, in his own apartment, for his own Facebook profile picture holding a gun. The cops bust in looking for his cousin (Leroy Smickle was wanted for nothing) - and arrest him instead for having a 'restricted loaded weapon' (which he had dropped along with his lap top at the shock of the door being kicked in). As Judge Malloy put it - sentencing him to what the law demands (3 years in prison) would be "unfair, outrageous, abhorrent and intolerable" - She sentenced him to a year of house arrest (which is still pretty crap given there really was no 'crime' or criminal intent).

Anyway, underwear was still on my mind as I was thinking of stripping down to mine in this heat - 'but what if the cops bust in looking for someone else? And the broken button on my boxer shorts gives too much away? Could I be charged with pointing a weapon at them? Even if it's a pretty harmless one?'

That got me to thinking about nipples. Not sure why but it did. And the crazy laws which pervade the USA about certain parts of the body. I remembered an ad I had seen being slated on the internet from Florida - Here it is -

Notice anything? All those big butch guys have no nipples. Seems it's against the law in Florida to display nipples in advertisments. From nipples it was only a small drop down to buttocks, and the lengths America goes to to keep them covered up...I remembered being outraged at the TV series NYPD Blue being fined $1.4 million dollars by the FCC for showing a 'buttock' on one of it's airings - a fine that took eight years to be overturned in a higher court. So what? The audience saw someone's ass (or at least half of it) - are we so ashamed of the human body that we pretend someone having a shower doesn't actually have an ass (as was the case in NYPD Blue)?

Then...I remembered...I don't talk much about 'private bits'...and on one occasion where I had to see a doctor to enquire about what I perceived as a problem with mine - I sat in the waiting room running through what the most 'user friendly' terminology to use would be - how do I tell the female Doc I want her to look at my.....'thing'? 

Do I say 'Penis'? Willie? Privates? John Thomas? It was perplexing me no end and when I finally reached her room and she asked in a mix of Indian/Scottish accent - 'What can I help you with Mr Grant?'

I kind of spluttered 'Well...it's my Birdie Doctor'

"Many happy returns." She said, and sat patiently waiting for what ailed me....

So I'm not the greatest conversationalist when it comes to 'bits' but I do have very strong opinions about them.

I'm no prude, I'm all for people getting naked though I don't do it myself....maybe when I was younger I would've been braver but in my entire life I have only posed naked for a picture with my instrument in full view once. And that was because my dear wife didn't think I would have the balls to do it. I'm a sucker for challenges.

It was so empowering I even thought of enrolling as a model for art students so they could master the art of drawing wrinkles accurately....

Hmmm - I don't think it did join up did it lol?

Let's blame the post op drugs :)

Rory

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Now you see it...

Quick post before I go to bed - I've been working like a trojan today. I spray blasted the pavers on the porch to rid it of weeds growing between the pavers themselves - took me hours but by God we've got the cleanest pavers in Australia now. As I had the spraying machine out I thought I'd clean the batshitmobile too - didn't occur to me that it might be a bit too powerful for the car - but my wife rarely looks at the paintwork so hopefully it'll be sometime before she realises half of it is missing (I can always blame it on acid in bat crap or something).
But, but, but, the whole point of this blog post is to yap on about my favourite hobby - Photography! It's not just the taking of pictures I love - I love Post Processing (see, I am weird).

All tonight (and it's after midnight now) - I've been working on a picture of my eldest stepdaughter. I tried to catch her just 'naturally smiling' when she was with the dog that day we were all out together. Unfortunately that means you gotta take whatever else is in the picture at the same time too...if you look at the original example on the left you'll see a maroon pole which I hated, also on the left you'll see an elbow sticking in, and the roof of the cabin behind her points into her head. But I wanted to save it, I think I did. I took the pole out, smudged out the elbow and made the roof of the cabin appear to be behind the tree to stop it from 'pointing' into her head. I love Photoshop...

Did it work?

Oh, and so you don't think we are constantly lovey dovey like the Ingles' in Little House on the Prairie or the Brady bunch - on that same day here's how one sister totally ruined another sister's 'nice shot'...

G'night everyone - Great to be back :)

Rory

If I had my life all over again...

I'd be a photographer. Yes I would. I love taking photographs. Today's blog is a happy one but nothing happy seems to happen these days without a dose of misery to kick it off - so let's get that bit out of the way first.
For a year now I've been writing various short stories and one work of non fiction, all of which disappeared when my lap top died (My wife has repeatedly told me - 'Once you're finished writing for the day, e-mail yourself what you have done and it means it will never be lost'.)

Of course stupid old 'My lap top will never break' me - has never e-mailed anything. Lap top died and all my work went with it. So the New Year was miserable - a year's work gone in a second.

My arm has become so bad that a solid plastic truss rod has been inserted down the length of my padded splint to stop me from bending the arm - my arm has to be outstretched at all times. You can't drink beer and eat a pepper steak pie at the same time like that - more misery.

Anyway - my three wonderful step daughters all happened to be in our house at the same time - (the eldest lives in her own place, the middle one is never here (always with friends) so to have all three here at the same time is really pretty rare). But I thought 'damn it to hell! Get yourself dressed up lassies and we'll go spend an hour taking pictures of you all together'
The wisest (the youngest), asked how I intended to hold a camera when I can't hold a beer and a steak pie?
"Coz I'm taking this damned truss rod out!"

And off we went to the bushland.

To be honest - I was delighted with the results...

And then Brenna decided to turn the camera on me lol - I had no idea how much this illness had aged me until I saw this - I was horrified, but what the hell - just wait and see the difference in two weeks time (oh and I hadn't shaved coz I can't use my other hand to pull my skin tight lol - not because I was just lazy)...

This is titled 'old tramp living in the woods...'

Thanks to my wife's genius with 'techy' things - I now have a working lap top again, my work has been rescued, I've e-mailed it all to myself, my surgery is 5 days away - things are getting better :)

Rory

Wrong Place, Right Time...

I love pictures which are unintentionally funny. I have a fair old collection of them here in my lap top (The Internet is such a wonderful resource). None of the images below have been 'Photoshopped'. In some cases it's just that the image was taken at an inappropriate moment (though some might say - the most appropriate moment)...In others they are just 'unintentionally funny'.

Let's start with the British Prime Minister shall we?

No Irish Priest's home should be without the next one...

I think maybe it was their first ever fashion show?

Poor Guy - should always look at the backdrop before posing for a picture...

Speaks for itself...

Some things require very precise explanations...

"Ah, breakfast..."

The camera never lies...

This is one of my all time favourites - The timing and the angle were perfect...

In these troubled times, it's nice to know at least the birds are happy...

Sadly, I have to go now - got a Kid's bedroom to paint.

Stay well everyone :)

Rory

I was so much older then - I'm so much younger now.

Ha! Not much to say today. I've been listening to my wife cuss at me while she edits my book. Seems I'm a terrible person for using Capital Letters where they are not supposed to Be. Oh well, she's getting at least 30 cents an hour for it - which is more than you earn at Walmart so I'm not sure what she's complaining about?
So with nothing to do, I've been tripping down memory lane again and stumbled across some very low resolution images from my old days performing with the band. They are so low resolution I don't even know if they will appear here...

Anyway, I remember this first image well even though it's tiny - taken in the town I would love to live in if we ever move to Scotland - Ayr (I'm the one in the white shirt). Loved playing there because the audiences were superb and the dressing room was always clean but the best part was they always paid for the accommodation which was never a hotel - always a little house by the beach somewhere.

Then I found another image and thought OMG! This was taken as we were setting up equipment and trying it out before an open air gig in the Borders. Look at the grey hair!!

My dear wife has had my features to play with now for five years - we all know a woman can make a man feel younger - but can she make him LOOK younger? I would have to say yes. This was taken three years AFTER the grey haired photo and one year after meeting my wife...

I really was so much older then - I'm so much younger now. Thanks Darlin' :)

Every Picture Tells a Story

If you like photographs - then today's Blog is for you. If not - then best to close your browser now and wait for the next instalment. I'm a bit short on words today (and my hand is playing up badly) so thought I'd keep the momentum going with some images from my life here in Oz. I've never really been 'into' photography - never really tried, but my wife loves it and as a consequence I've developed the same taste. Every chance I get I'm taking photographs...

These are some of the photographs I've taken since arriving here with explanations of what was going on...

Down at the bottom of our street is 'bush' as they call it here - I rarely actually see any bushes though - just lots of trees so quite why it's called 'bush' escapes me. Anyway, most mornings Kangaroos are hiding out there - I thought I'd try and capture one on camera - I got lucky! The way they stared at me I think they were pretty annoyed at being surprised lol...

During a roam around the countryside we passed a farm with Emu's running around - We stopped to take a picture and this guy/girl just couldn't be more helpful when it came to posing for me...

A short drive from our house is one of the best beaches in Australia - Byron Bay. I'd like to say I scaled mountains, braved spiders and snakes to take this picture - but I didn't - I just jumped out the car and poked the camera through a bush - yes a real 'bush'!

Every year we go to the 'EKKA' - I haven't actually asked what the EKKA means yet - but the kids love it - it's full of fun fair things and Maddy and Brenna's passion - HORSES!

This is my adorable faithful friend 'Banjo' - refusing to come out of the water at Christmas Creek.

And here's my two wee darlin's - Brenna and Maddy...

I have heaps more pics but I won't bore you all to death lol. I really enjoyed looking through them this morning and reflecting on the memories they brought flooding back.