Saturday 20 August 2011

There are no words - just feelings.

I've been sorely preoccupied of late, my computer keyboard has been silent - a heavy heart just isn't conducive to light fingers and flashing insights.

It was the birthday of one of my sons last week. I have four sons in Scotland, we rarely talk. The distance between us can be measured in more than miles. But this isn't about me, it's not even about my sons. It's about a friend of theirs, a nineteen year old who was always 'in or around' our house and if truth be told we were always in or around his. The son of my guitarist playing partner and friend James. Jamie, a truly beautiful young man who only had one expression - smiling.

Last week they all went out together for a drink to celebrate my son's 19th birthday. Jamie didn't come home. Somewhere in their headiness they became separated around midnight. After a massive land and sea search Jamie's body was found nine days later in the local harbour.

For days I've wanted to rage, for days I have wanted to scream, for days I have cursed God and every stupid little insignificant thing we trouble ourselves with daily. This is a 'stop the world' moment. This is not what life is supposed to be like, right now in Scotland two people who were once my dearest friends are grieving over the loss of their beautiful son and no one ever deserved such a fate less than they do, less than Jamie did. Right now my sons are trying to come to terms with the loss of their best friend and I'm trying to grasp the pompous stupidity, the pathetic preoccupation I have had for the last five years with 'being right'.

Life is too short to preoccupy ourselves with what's 'wrong' in relationships, allowing the icy nature of what separates us to become solid and frozen in time and space. What unites us is to be revered, glorified, revelled in, dare I say worshipped. At the end of the day, it's all we have.

To my oldest and dearest friends, you had a son any family would be proud of. Sleep well Jamie lad, sleep well, my heart is awfy sore this night but by God do I remember that smile.

Rory

14 comments:

  1. That's terrible news Rory. I'm very sorry for your friends loss, and indeed yours. All the best.

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  2. Oh gosh. I'm so sorry Rory. I can't find the words, but Sorry. Sorry to hear such sad news. Thinking of you all, and wishing you all the best at this sad timex

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  3. Oh, Rory...

    My heart goes out to you, your friends and your boys.

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  4. Is there no end to the misery in this world? I am so sorry for his family, your sons and yourself.

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  5. This is such a tragedy. I'm so sorry for you all having to live thru this. Love to you, and peace.

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  6. Such sad news. Such sadness in the world these days.
    So sorry for your loss, your friends' loss, your sons' loss...

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  7. What a horrible tragedy. That poor young man barely had a chance to live. My heart goes out to all of you.

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  8. I don't think you can keep everything together. People and things have their own trajectory, which is mostly out of our control. Don't beat yourself up, Rory, just because we can't control things. It's best that we can't even if sometimes something seems amazingly wrong. Love and support, Alec xx

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  9. I'm so sorry, Rory. After fifteen minutes of digesting this, I just don't know what to say. I hate for you to be hurting like this. All of you. *big hug*

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  10. I'm very sorry for their loss and yours, Rory. There isn't much anyone can say to ease the pain except I'm sorry. Those two words can do wonders to heal most pain.
    Keeping you and them in my prayers.

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  11. How awful! I understand your pain as most of us have have felt that sting of death made worse because of someone being so young. There is not rhyme or reason for this to have happened, but there is compassion for all those who loved him.

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  12. Thank you everyone. It's tragic that it should take such an event for me to start making peace with my own family and old friends. But that's what I am now doing. I do not gild the lily when I say Jamie was genuinely the nicest, most effervescent and caring young man you could meet. It's all so mind numbingly tragic.

    Rory

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  13. I'm so sorry for what you, your friends, and your family are going through. Making peace with the past, at least, is the gift in this tragedy.

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  14. I'm so sorry for you and your friends, Rory. I haven't been on here a lot this week because of work so I missed this.

    My two older brothers don't talk to each other, over something that shouldn't matter. I keep telling them that they're going to be sorry when it's too late, and that other brother isn't around to talk to anymore. Neither of them wants to say sorry. Makes me sad.

    I hope you can reconnect with the people that you've lost a strong connection to, and that something positive can come out of this terrible tragedy.

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