I adore my step-kids - each in their own way holds unique qualities. I want to dwell in this blogpost however, on the surreal expressions uttered by my 'otherworldly', recently turned 11 year old step daughter - Maddy. Even the simplest exchange can leave me scurrying to find the hidden meanings or deep reflections in her throwaway replies...
Walking to school tends to bring the most cryptic of them out in her...
Me - 'Ah Maddy, there's that wee tree I really like, it's blossoming.'
Maddy - 'Don't say 'wee' in Australia Rory. People will hate you'
Me - 'Oh really? Ok. But why?'
Maddy - 'They just will. Trust me.'
Maddy - 'There's a new boy in our class. Quite literally his name is Jerod'
Me - 'But everyone's name is quite literal.'
Maddy - 'Yeah but I mean quite literally his name is Jerod'
Me - 'Yes, as it should be.'
I got a 'How dumb are you?' look, and a shake of the head,
What didn't I understand???
We were standing on the porch watching the night sky when I asked her 'Do you see any UFO's Maddy?'
'Yes. Come inside quick!'
'But then I won't see the UFO.'
'But if you stay here Rory you'll be adopted by aliens!'
Maddy - 'Rory I have a lump on my foot. What is it?'
I take a look and say - 'Oh it's a wee callous from your new shoes irritating the skin'
Maddy ponders this for a second or two - 'So it's not radiation then?'
Maddy - 'Hey Rory I discovered today that I can tell what people are thinking by looking at their eyes'
Me - 'Really? Okay. I'm thinking of a fruit. Which fruit is it?'
Maddy - 'Hmmm not sure. Sometimes I get writers block'
Me - 'No way. C'mon - that's a cop out. Look at my eyes and tell me what fruit I am thinking of. You said you can do it.'
Maddy - 'You're thinking of a Passionfruit'
Me - 'I don't even know what a Passionfruit looks like'
Maddy - 'Ah well that's why I couldn't get it - if you don't know what it looks like - it means you're a freak'
Me - 'Do you have any homework from school today Maddy?'
Maddy pulls out her notebook, 'Yeah. I need help though - what's ten divided by Friday?'
She'd been appearing very tired every morning and I suspected she was getting up through the night and going onto the internet - so I thought I'd check her browser history to see if this was so. It showed activity around midnight - Google had the following search terms she'd put in;
12:03 Piano Music
12:05 Relaxing Piano Music
12:09 I SAID RELAXING Piano Music
After discussing the idea of traveling to Scotland;
Maddy - 'Would I be able to understand anyone in Scotland?'
Me - 'Well you understand me don't you?'
Maddy - 'Yeah but we've taught you Australian.'
Walking to School;
Maddy - 'One of my shoes is too tight. But I'm not sure which one.'
She was playing recorder in the back of the car on our way home from a trip somewhere. It sounded awful...
Maddy - 'I think this recorder has gone out of tune.'
Me - 'Wonder why it's called a recorder? It doesn't record anything.'
Maddy - 'Duh silly! It's called a recorder because it has holes in it.'
Maddy - 'I need a lucky charm. I've never had one. I need to get a lucky charm.'
Me - 'But you already have one - Me!'
Maddy - 'No Good. You're old and all your luck will have been used up.'
There's so many more - but my Black Lab is looking up at me with crossed legs - Dogs need out.
Back later :)