Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Those Embarrassing Moments...

Embarrassing moments...we all have them. Buried deep in the recesses of our minds are those moments we'd rather forget. Every now and then they pop up and leave us trembling at how incredibly pathetic, nieve or just plain dumb we once were.

Be you a King or a Cabbage we all have them and I'm going to reveal mine for the first time - I sincerely hope you will either post your own most embarrassing moment on your blog or in the comments section below - because with the passing of time, they can be spectacularly funny. I once thought ten thousand years would have to pass before I told anyone mine, but now from a distance of 18 years I can confront it, square up to it - and confess, yes I really did that...

It happened in Perth, Scotland, a city I have never returned to as a consequence lest anyone recognises me. It was 1993, I was a student and President of the Student Union, and in that capacity was attending a seminar followed by a disco at a prestigious hotel. I knew that future statesmen and women, soon to be powerful figures in industry, were all gathered around me, and I wondered what road my own destiny would take. By the end of the evening I would be lucky to be employed by anyone, anywhere, at anytime.

I spent a few hours drinking heavily at the disco with two individuals; one who later became Secretary of State for Scotland and the other is now Editor In Chief of one of Britain's top newspapers. We were all blind drunk and I was out of cigarettes...
"I'm just going to go get a pack of ciggies," I said, and stumbled off down to the foyer of the hotel to ask the receptionist where I might get them.
"To be honest sir we only dispense them from a vending machine and they are expensive. I'd recommend you just cross the road outside and buy them from the fish and chip shop on the other side of the street. They're much cheaper."
In my drunken state I giggled my thanks at her honesty and spun round to the 'Thump, Thump, Thump' of the bass notes from the disco resonating in my ears. This was a night to celebrate, to have fun, to love life and I noticed that others had the same idea. A group of people 'Conga dancing' snaked their way through the foyer and I thought I'd join in. All holding one another by the waist or shoulder and moving quickly - I jumped onto the end and grabbed the shoulders of the elderly woman who brought up the rear of the conga.
"C'mon darlin' get them legs moving - Yeehawww!" I called out above the din of the Disco music. Someone was holding a door open and the conga snaked its way inside another room off the foyer - I danced my way through holding onto the woman at the end. I was gangly, all arms and legs but that's what dancing is all about - letting it all go, and I sure as hell was. As the door closed behind us and the sound of the music quietened, I slowed my pulsating, rhythmic gyrations but still kept moving in a 'dance like' way.  I didn't want to be the one to end the conga.

It was then to my horror, I realised we were in the restaurant section of the hotel and that this was no Conga. It was a long line of blind people who had been leading one another through the foyer and into the restaurant by holding onto one another's shoulders. What kind of idiotic, brain dead fool must I have seemed; standing at the end of a line of blind people waving my arms and legs around? I turned quickly around and pathetically danced my way back out the door - then ran like hell for my room.

In less than fifteen minutes I had checked out and was on a train back to Stirling.


  1. Why is it that most embarrassing moments involve generous amounts of libation? So it was for me too. I had just recently graduated from TAFE and a student from our class was holding a “end of year” party at her place. Half a bottle of Jamieson later, I was found, face down in the toilet with my bare arse sticking up in the air. The hostess (the student holding the party) is the one that helped me back on my feet and pulled my pants up. How’s that for extreme disgrace? Needless to say, embarrassment didn’t set in until the hang-over cleared up, but woe the shame!!

  2. LOL Cre8tivesoul - OMG If I were to focus on all the alcohol induced stupidity in my life I'd need to write ten books.

    I feel your pain, your trauma lol, it never really lessens.

    I can't even look at Perth on a Map now such is my shame.

  3. If there is 1 thing that i would like to forget and that would be to forget those embarrassing moments. But that aint the scenario. I could not forget those. They just hunt me forever :)

  4. Well it doesn't sound like too many in the conga line would recognize you again does it? I don't think I have ever done anything quite so memorable in the embarrassing line...just the usual "thinking someone was calling to me" thing when in fact it was the person behind me.

  5. Oh there were a lot of the great and good in that restaurant lol - I'd effectively ensured I'd be looking for my first job in Uzbekistan. Which as it happens is as good as where I ended up - Dingwall in the Highlands of Scotland. :)

  6. Marching up to my daughter's particularly odious teacher to have a word in her shell like about her habit of humiliating pupils in front of the whole class... Mid rant, I looked down to see yesterday's knickers slip from the left leg of my jeans. Thinking on my feet and mustering up as much bravado as I could, I whipped them up and blew my nose on them before continuing. I try to tell myself I got away with it, but she always had a snicker on her face every time I saw her - oooh, I really disliked that wee wummin!

  7. OMG Annie Nooooooo! What is it with women and their knickers lol? Oh I really feel your pain on that one - that must have been awful :(

    It is funny how you try to convince yourself 'They didn't notice - I got away with it' - But you can guarantee they did lol...

    Oh I hope she's retired now. It's amazing how an event like that can prevent you becoming famous - you know that skeleton will leap out the cupboard the minute the press start looking into who you are lol...

    We won't be seeing you on the X-factor then until this teacher has passed away?

  8. We were in Buenos Aries on holiday and wanted to see Eva Perons resting place (gawd knows why really). The guide book said enter the cemetary, first left, first right yadda yadda and you'll soon see the crowds of people.... just follow them. Indeed it was so and we joined the end of the throng of people and wandered slowly until we realized several minutes later when the line stopped that we'd joined in with the mourners of a new funeral. Other mourners seemed to suspect that we weren't kosher given the shorts and brightly coloured shirts. I'll never forget whats-his-name!