Tattie Mary

It's strange - the things which define us in the eyes of others. I have an aunt who clambered up the social ladder from very humble beginnings; is she known as Lady Mary? No. She amassed a small fortune through shrewd wheeling and dealing in finance; is she Money Mary? No. To family and friends she's 'Tattie' Mary -  Tattie meaning Potato in Scotland.

So how did she get this awful nickname? How did a tuber come to define her? You need to go back to when she was a young wife and her complete inability to cook anything other than minced beef and mashed potatoes. But even then - this isn't the full story of why she carries the name Tattie Mary. Oh no, that would be too simplistic. Just like her mince and mashed potatoes - there's more...

Her wee husband Bill was nearing tipping point with mince and mashed potatoes and came home from work to sit at the dinner table, to find yet again that Mary's culinary repertoire only ran to mince and mashed potato. Steeling himself (she was a formidable woman) - he held his plate in both hands and hurled it skyward. It stuck to the ceiling. He refused to touch it and on a point of principle she refused to clean it. Eventually it set there like concrete, plate and all. I remember when I was a kid, visiting them two and a half years after the incident, and there it was for all to see - still stuck to the ceiling. My Mum hadn't been joking!

Some of the family insist the plate itself became unstuck after six years, when road renovations outside caused it to vibrate loose (though the mince and tatties were still there). Others will tell you that 'No - it only took four years but it hit Bill on the head on the way down'.  Whatever the truth, neither would move on the issue - both stubbornly refusing to concede an inch.

But I guess the point I'm trying to make is - When you feel angry about something, when you feel hurt or upset with your partner, talk about it, find a solution, because if you don't then the outcomes can define you. And the problem itself, if not acted upon whilst pliable, can set in your life as solidly as concrete.

Something my Uncle Dogshit Davie can testify to...but then...that's another story.