There comes a time in everyone's life (they think) - when they have to make the first move. You know? You have to open your mouth and let words fall out which indicate 'beyond all reasonable doubt' that you're 'interested' in that person. The 'chat up' line I guess. I always had a problem with this - maybe it was the fear of rejection? My feeble attempts to get to know someone better would confuse and mix 'polite conversation' with "Jeez I'd love to get your knickers off" - In short, I was banal and confusing (banality always gave you a way of saving face if rejected - you could argue that you were never chatting someone up in the first place). So the teenage years of Rory D Grant were spent uttering stupidities like "Would you like to dance? I know you'll be a good dancer because you have nice shoes." or "What a beautiful blouse - My Mum has curtains like that."
The most audacious one I ever encountered was when standing at a bar in London ordering a round of drinks for myself and some friends. A Telly Savalas look alike was standing next to me when suddenly he piped up - "That's a beautiful accent you have."
"Thank you - I'm Scottish."
"Do you have any Greek in you?" He asked.
I smiled "No"
"Would you like some?" He smiled back.
Now you have to admit - that was pretty uninhibited even though it got him nowhere.
I recall being in a bar again in London and without warning, as I ordered drinks, a very attractive lady next to me asked "Are you Glaswegian?"
"Yes" I beamed "Can you tell by my accent?"
"No" she said, "Your teeth and the scar on your face" (I was still waiting on the Police Force paying my dental bill from someone I arrested knocking my front two teeth out.)
Now hers was a pretty bad chat up line and more like the kind of thing I was likely to say. But even so I was appalled and realised just how bad my own must be.
Before and in-between marriages (I've been married three times) I had ample opportunity to refine my 'chat up lines' in the hope that I'd catch the perfect lady with the perfect line - but writing about it here this evening has made me ask myself the question 'What were the first words I ever spoke to the ladies I married?'
First wife - "Is this your banana?"
Second Wife - "You idiot, you almost ran me over!"
Third and yes dear, FINAL Wife - "I think you may suffer from Hypnogogia"
All those years of fussing and fretting over the chat up line that would lead to Nirvana and "I think you may suffer from Hypnogogia" was all I needed to learn...
I'm curious - what were the first words you ever said to your partner? Please do let me know in the comments section below!