The Domestic Brotherhood of Bluster...

My whole family has been a relentless source of humour from as far back as I can remember. But today, I think I'll write up a conversation I had on the telephone with my Dad just a few months ago...in a way it typifies precisely what I mean. My Dad is an amiable gentle giant but of the bumbling variety, never quite seems to get anything right first time around...And so I called...unexpectedly it was my Sister 'Biff' who answered my Dad's telephone...


Biff - 'Hello'

Me - 'Hello'

Biff - 'I'm calling about my Dad's ironing...'

Me - 'No, I'm calling you'

Biff - 'No, I'm calling you - it's about my Dad's ironing-'

Me - 'Biff it's me, Rory. I just called Dad's phone number'

Biff - 'Rory? My brother in Australia! Oh! I was calling the ironing shop about Dad's ironing'

(Dad's voice in the background) 'Rory? In the ironing shop? What's he doing in the ironing shop? Gimme the phone Biff!'

Dad - 'What you doing in the ironing shop son?'

Me - 'I'm not in the ironing shop Dad, I'm in Australia - I was phoning you and-'

Dad - 'Amazing! You're in an ironing shop in Australia! How's that for coincidence? Is that what Biff is trying to tell me?'

Me - 'No Dad I'm not in an ironing shop anywhere - I'm on my porch in Australia calling to tell you something and ask how you are'

Dad - 'Oh right (pause)...so who is in the ironing shop?'

Me - 'Dad, can we forget the ironing shop for a minute - Have you ever heard of an organisation called the Hermetic Brotherhood of Luxor?'

Dad - 'The Domestic Brotherhood of Bluster?'

Me - 'No Dad - the Hermetic Brotherhood of Luxor. I've been researching them.'

Dad - 'Nope son, the Domestic Brotherhood of Bluster is a new one on me. Who are they?'

Me - 'Hermetic Dad, Hermetic - Luxor as in Luxor in Egypt'

Dad - 'Ahhh The Hermetic Brotherhood of Bluster! (Silence) Nope never heard of them'

Me - 'LUXOR!'

Dad - 'Lucknow?'

Me - 'Frikkiin Luxor Dad!'

Dad - 'Oh I've got it! The Hermetic Brotherhood of Luxor! (Pause while he thinks) Is it a Horse? Are you giving me a tip for the horse racing son?' 


Me - 'No Dad, it's not a horse. It's an organisation.'


Dad - (Sounding crestfallen) 'Oh I thought it was a wee tip from Australia there. Oh well son - what about this organisation?'

Me - 'Well the point is Dad - their organiser 150 years ago came from Crawford Street in Partick Glasgow and he had the identical name to you and I - Rory D Grant! It made me think he MUST be a relative.'

Dad - 'How do you know that?'

Me - 'I read a one hundred and something year old book of theirs and it had printed on it - for more information contact Rory D Grant, Organiser, 38 Crawford Street, Partick, Glasgow'

Dad - 'And did you?'

Me - 'Did I what?'

Dad - 'Contact him?'

Me (Exasperated) 'It was a hundred and something year old book Dad! I was thinking we must be descendants of his as there were few Rory D Grants around at that time in Glasgow!'

Dad - 'So is it possible to contact him?'

Me - 'Maybe Dad (big sigh from me) but it would require a clairvoyant'

Dad - 'Well maybe he has relatives you could get in touch with?'

Me - 'That's what I'm trying to tell you - we're the relatives!!!!'

Dad - 'Oh well, I'll look that up on the internet son. You can find everything there. Did you know I can play golf as Tiger Woods on it?' 


Me - 'Really Dad? that's great. Now about the brotherhood...'


Dad - "Oh don't worry if I find any relatives of his I'll contact them and let them know you know where he lives. Will that help your research?'

Me (Almost ready to squeeze the life out of the phone) -  'Yeah...thanks Dad, that would be great. Could you maybe pass me back to Biff please and I'll tell her what I've just told you and then she can explain it better.'

Dad - 'Ok son, great speaking to you again! Take care and you don't send me enough photographs you've taken yourself of Australia. Send me photographs of things which are unique to Australia will you? Like Kangaroo's, a picture of a Koala Bear would be nice and...and a harmonica Okay? Bye!'

Dialling tone as he hung up the phone..... 

Aaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!


I Love the Old boy to bits :)


A Harmonica?


Just for you Dad - Just for you...

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